tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1346536092144267182024-03-19T04:49:44.567-07:00Institute For Work and Family Integration (IWFI)iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-82724976140428892812018-01-26T05:21:00.001-08:002018-01-26T05:21:37.432-08:00TWENTY FIFTH IWFI MARRIED COUPLES RETREAT - AN EXCITING WEEKEND FOR US<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">The weekend of 24 to 25 Feb. 2017 was highly anticipated by I and wife. It was at the prestigious Epe Resort & Spa, Epe. My wife and I had the opportunity to participate alongside other couples. We learnt as much as we had fun. To help couples strengthen and enrich their relationship, based on the understanding that people with better married lives are better adjusted and make better employees, the Institute for Work and Family Integration(IWFI) have designed this weekend retreat to help couples understand themselves, their spouse and rediscover true love. Want to know why you act the way you do? Sure we did, after the first discussion on temperaments. It was quite revealing, we got to understand better our reactions to issues. The presentation got us laughing most of the time, apparently as we began our journey towards self discovery and strengthening our relationship.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">Set in the serene and tranquil environment of the resort, we were engaged in exercises that required private dialogue in our rooms after class discussions. Movie clips gave insight to the virtues being discussed. These private dialogues sometimes carried on beyond the allotted time as it seemed, couples did have a lot to talk about. Indeed we were meant to ‘rediscover’ true love as we sat and did things as couples. It would seem odd to find one of the spouses alone. Use of Mobile phones and Television was discouraged to prevent distraction. It was like it stated in one of the promotional materials </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, tahoma, helvetica, freesans, sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">– rejuvenating!</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">I can not remember the last time I playked Volleyball. Well, I got my chance (yeah with team work!). </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">It was social activity time that got us all sweating; a variety of sports including volleyball, swimming, table tennis, lawn tennis, dancing were all available. It was funny watching my new friends catching up like old friends.</span><br />
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I was impressed because its not often you see busy people letting down their hair.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">Every time I walk into the cozy restaurant, the aroma of food always reminds me of how hungry I am. The food quite tasty, had international and traditional dishes beckoning on us. The rich menu and the professional and courteous restaurant staff, made our meal times a sumptuous experience.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , "tahoma" , "helvetica" , "freesans" , sans-serif; font-size: 14.85px;">The ‘champagne popping moment’ (well, something like that after the last class session) was one of the highlights of the weekend. Then our chief facilitators Engr. Charles Osezua and Mrs. Gloria Osezua shared their life experiences after thirty eight years of marriage. It was awesome listening to how they have made it work over the years. I am yet to experience an informative, workshop-like, yet relaxing and romantic session like the IWFI married couples retreat. Our married friends have to know about this.There are innumerable benefits to be achieved. My wife and I had a life changing experience and our love has had a new meaning after that weekend.</span></div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-57886892349917932522016-09-07T03:58:00.000-07:002016-09-07T03:58:13.197-07:00<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.701961); font-family: "Source Serif Pro", serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 3.2rem; margin-bottom: 3.2rem; margin-top: 3.2rem; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Rain rain go away, come again another day little Mary wants to play. I always remember </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; line-height: 3.2rem;">This morning i was speaking to a friend who had a lot of things on her mind and she was upset because she was fuming and talking under her breath and i asked her what had happened and she sighs then told me her side of the story. She complained about the communication gap between her and her husband and how it is affecting their marriage because they do not talk as much as they did when they were newly married.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Communication is key in everything we do in life. It goes as much as asking a vendor for newspaper or going to the grocery store to buy household items. Never dismiss when your spouse calls you or even shouts because beneath the tone of the voice, you can deduce sharply what is wrong. I gave my friend an assignment that will help bridge their communication gap. To our lovely husbands "Women need to be pampered, spoken to softly and given attention", To our beautiful wives "Men love attention, big hugs and spoken to softly as well".</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will let you know on Friday how our experiment went if it gave the desired response or not and NO am not telling you what i said to her till Friday. Lol i am not mean when you watch series do you get all the information at once ? That is a resounding No so enjoy my cliff hanger.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Remember Married Couples Retreat #MCR also gives you a front roll seat in helping that communication gap so why not get your ticket to experience this lovely secret and always remember to share this information with friends and loved ones.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I will leave you with this beautiful quote "The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day." -M. Grundler</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Get regular update and socialize on our other social media pages <a href="http://www.facebook.com/Iwfinfo" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8c68cb; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://www.twitter.com/iwfinfo" rel="nofollow noopener" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #8c68cb; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">Twitter</a></span></div>
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iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-54704899274501511342016-07-04T08:46:00.003-07:002016-07-04T08:46:25.561-07:00The Five Greatest Problems With Modern Day Parenting<div class="content-list-component mt-paragraph text" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #222222; font-family: NotoNashkArabic, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Roboto, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 1.5em; margin: 0px auto; max-width: 630px; min-width: initial; padding: 0px; width: 630px;">
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Parenting has never been perfect, but there are five very large problems with the way we parent today that are almost unique to our time. They are;</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: inherit;">1. A Fear of Listening to our Children</strong>.</div>
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Many parents blindly trust the advice of childless parenting experts and famous nannies whose advice is almost always ‘parent centric’. The experts almost always side with the parents and not with the children, warning parents that if they let their children get their own way that they will raise little dictators. Parents are warned to<em style="box-sizing: inherit;">“be strong”</em> and “<em style="box-sizing: inherit;">don’t let him get his own way</em>“. If the child protests they are warned<em style="box-sizing: inherit;">“she is just trying to manipulate you, don’t listen to her cries”</em>. Parents are taught that their toddler’s opinions don’t matter and their teen’s matter even less.</div>
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Children are not perceived as ‘real people’ with real needs. Their opinions don’t matter as much as ours, so they are belittled and ignored. If a child grows up believing that their opinions do not matter, especially to their parents, they will be far less likely to confide in their parents in the years to come when they really need to. Or as the famous quote goes <em style="box-sizing: inherit;">“If you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”</em></div>
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<span style="box-sizing: inherit;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/sarah-ockwellsmith" target="_blank">Read More</a></span></div>
by Sarah Ockwell-Smith - Huffington Post</div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-78908627112242418652015-12-09T09:06:00.002-08:002015-12-09T09:10:59.571-08:00Top 5 Parenting Habits for Raising Happy, Healthy Kids<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We all know that parenting can be difficult. In those first few months after birth, when you're basking in the glow of becoming a new mom or dad while reeling from the difficulty of nighttime feeds, much of what's necessary to raise a child hasn't really hit you. But, over time, as the months and years wear on, you become more aware of the importance of things like routines and the instillation of good habits for raising happier and healthier children.</div>
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As parents, we want our children to have all of the advantages and benefits in life that we can possibly provide. And, one of those benefits is derived from instilling the right habits into our children early on to help create a solid foundation for them in life as teenagers and into adulthood. And, according to science, there are, in fact, five parenting habits that are necessary for raising happy and healthy children.</div>
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While children don't generally have a grasp on the world that they're living in at a younger age, by instituting the right parenting habits, we can help acclimate them the right way to the world as they come of age. We want them to be honest, caring, empathizing contributors to society. We also want them to be intelligent, self-reliant, curious, and motivated to follow their passions in life.</div>
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<em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">So how do we give them the tools to do this?</em></div>
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This isn't about just raising successful kids. Happiness and health precede success, and as long as we can instill our children with the right habits to be both happy and healthy, we're already providing them a foundation for success. And, if you implement these top five parenting habits into your daily routine, as a parent, you can rest assured that you're giving your children that rock-solid foundation necessary to help them fulfill their missions in life.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. Say Please and Thank You</strong></div>
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While it might sound obvious, not all parents do it. But, by saying please and thank you, and not just instructing your children to do it, we're setting a strong example. Those three words help to instill a mutual respect for others, sympathy, and even empathy. A child who says please and thank you grows up understanding the importance of both giving and receiving, along with vital social skills to use as an adult.</div>
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One <a href="http://www.researchgate.net/publication/264627488_Warm_Thanks_Gratitude_Expression_Facilitates_Social_Affiliation_in_New_Relationships_via_Perceived_Warmth" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #5e3786; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_hplink">study</a> found that simply saying <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">thank you</em> helps to build and maintain social relationships, and instills gratitude. When we're grateful for things, we don't take them for granted, and people appreciate a person who is grateful far more than they do a person who is ungrateful. But, saying thank you and being grateful doesn't just affect the individual you're communicating with, it also affects others.</div>
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The study finds that <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"insofar as expressions of gratitude signal interpersonal warmth, witnesses to the expression of gratitude should also infer the worth of affiliating with the expresser. This is an important question as ever-more interpersonal communication, and indeed thanks-saying, occurs in public arenas (e.g.,Twitter, Facebook)."</em>.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Evening Prayers and Morning Gratitude</strong></div>
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By teaching your children to pray in the evening, no matter what your faith, and to be grateful in the mornings as they wake up, will turn them into thriving adults who are better able to take on the world. Not only does this keep them spiritually connected, but it also helps them to realize the importance of focus. When we focus on the things we have to be grateful for, thanking God, Allah, Buddha, or whomever it is that we call our creator, we live far more abundant lives.</div>
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The truth of the matter is that we get whatever it is that we focus on in life. The mind is very much like the lens of a camera in that way. When we focus on our problems and negativity, and we teach our children about that by arguing and fussing in front of them, then we see negativity all around us. It's easy to find the evidence for whatever it is that we focus on.</div>
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However, when we focus on being grateful and appreciating the things that we do have as opposed to what we don't have, our minds are steeped in abundance rather than a state of lack. The fact is that we have far more than many others do when we just stop to think about it. If we teach our children this, then they'll realize it as adults and make their decisions accordingly, being less focused on greed and taking, and more focused on selflessly contributing and giving to others in need.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Honesty is the Best Policy</strong></div>
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While some parents believe that lying to their children about certain things is necessary, others believe that by being honest and instilling the habit of honesty, no matter what, is most certainly the best policy. So, how do we instill the habit of honesty in children? Is it by simply teaching them and telling them that honesty is the best policy? Do we lead by example? Or, is it some combination of the two?</div>
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The question has been the focus of Kang Lee, a researcher from the University of Toronto. In a study published in Psychological Science entitled, "Can Classic Moral Stories Promote Honesty in Children?", Lee poses the question about what classical stories can help instill honesty into children. Was it stories that focused on the negativity of dishonesty such as <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Pinocchio</em> or <em style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Boy Who Cried Wolf</em>? Or, was it stories that promoted honest behavior rather than the negative effects of dishonesty, such as the story of George Washington coming clean after chopping down the cherry tree?</div>
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What Lee found was surprising. He states that "Contrary to our expectations, results showed that hearing "Pinocchio" and "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" failed to decrease children's tendency to lie about their own transgression. In contrast, hearing "George Washington and the Cherry Tree" significantly increased the likelihood that children would tell the truth about their own transgression, regardless of their age. One factor contributing to the effectiveness of "George Washington and the Cherry Tree" is its emphasis on the positivity of honesty."</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. Daily Reading</strong></div>
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Developing the reading habit is an important one for children. While children in our society are constantly bombarded with all types of media, both online and offline, the simple act of reading is an important habit to develop early on. Well-read children are fare more able to cope with and understand the world that they live in, gleaning important information and experiences from the words that they read in books.</div>
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However, simply telling children to read doesn't cut it. Children are experts at emulating their parents, and if they see you reading on an ongoing basis, they're far more likely to pick up the reading habit. This isn't just about reading them bedtime stories; this is about helping to instill a habit that will have them reading on their own, curious enough to explore books that might interest them, ultimately developing a passion for what they want out of life.</div>
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Reading opens a whole new world to us, a chance to explore and understand things that we might not have explored or understood on our own. It provides us access to a wealth of knowledge passed down through the ages. The experiences locked away in the books written over time are invaluable learning tools for children who are interested in a particular topic or subject. And, when kids see you reading books, they're far more likely to do it themselves.</div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Share and Communicate Your Feelings</strong></div>
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Although many of us might think that children are too young to understand certain things, generally speaking, they know far more than we think they know. And children are experts at tucking things away in their mind, only to be accessed at a later time. When a child sees us clam up, unwilling to talk about something, or get carried away in emotions while on the phone or interacting with someone in person, you can bet that they're cataloging everything that they see and hear us do, holding it locked away somewhere in their subconscious minds.</div>
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However, when we share and communicate our feelings with children, we teach them to express themselves, even providing the proper social skills for later development. When a child can actively express how he or she is feeling, its an invaluable tool to have for later on in life. But, if a child learns to lock their feelings away, too afraid to speak due to fear of condemnation or ridicule, they're far less likely to share those same feelings with us.</div>
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Once again, children are excellent emulators. If we share our feelings with them, telling them about our day, what happened, and how those things made us feel, then turning to them to do the same, we're helping to foster habits to help keep them happy and healthy in the future. Since relationships will be a big part of their lives, giving them the right tools to employ in order to handle a relationship with a friend, business associate, or even a loved one, is going to be critical to their overall development.</div>
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While importance of communication in children has long been studied, we can always do more to help foster this habit in our kids. If we can help open our children up to becoming better communicators early on, they will be far better, not only in their relationships, but also in their intended careers, finances, and health as they'll seek advice from others rather than trying to figure everything out on their own.<br />
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[Huffington Post]</div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-51849162163670172512015-11-30T05:40:00.002-08:002016-02-19T05:35:15.840-08:004 Steps towards getting Family-Friendly Policies (FFPs) approved by the Board in your organization <div class="Default">
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16pt;">Family-friendly
policies make it possible for employees to balance family and work while fulfilling
their obligations to both. Although policies like flex-time, job sharing and working-from-home have been proven to enable
employees get more involved with family life, they must also be profitable to the
organisation in order to be considered for implementation.</span></div>
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At the IWFI Work and Family Conference 2015, Mr. Wale Adediran, the HR Director
of Flour Mills Nigeria Plc made a presentation titled, “Walking the Work Family
Talk: TAKING THE STEPS”, in which he recommended four steps towards getting
family-friendly policies approved by your organization. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">1.</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 7.0pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Engage members informally ahead of board
meeting</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">If you are trying to
bring about new policies, make sure their benefits are well understood by
members. Talk about your proposition to members of the board before the meeting
without wasting their time. Perhaps during lunch or tea breaks, subtly
highlight its benefits. You can mention how a policy would help solve a problem
(if any) that involve issues of productivity of staff and how the organization
is going to benefit. Say how this has helped another organization in your
industry.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">2.</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 7.0pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Package a comprehensive board memo</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Let your board memo be
clear, accurate, persuasive and timely. While you don’t want to omit any
information in the memo, it’s also important to keep explanations short and
simple. This will increase the likelihood of getting your point across.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 16.0pt;"> Highlight key points, </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">clearly state the purpose of the memo and its
main points, and support conclusions with evidence. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">If you are making
recommendations, be sure to back up what you say with facts or information. You
may start with how lately, staff members are raising questions about their work
situations, briefly state some instances where this has affected
productivity, state the need for policy change or introduction, then end
with an action information which specifies a meeting date and venue to discuss
the proposal for a new family-friendly policy.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">3.</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 7.0pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Leverage “champions” of FFP on the board</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Being able to clearly
and convincingly lay out a case for adopting FFPs may not be the only way to
influence the board. Find out who might support FFP and have them as your ally.
There is high credibility, if you have present, more members who want to
support your proposal. This provides a much better chance of getting an
approval. </span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">4.</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 7.0pt;"> </span><b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Focus your briefing on productivity and ROI</span></b><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Ensure members of the
board understand that family friendly policies are in the best interest of your
organization. Research has shown that employers gain in employee recruitment,
retention, loyalty, and productivity, all of which contribute to the bottom line.
</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">You may want to do
your research among members of staff to know what the prevalent issues are and
where to start from. Based on your research, try to come up with a clear, well
defined goal. What you want to have happen where, and by when? The idea is to
start with something that will have a real impact and provides the greatest
benefit for everyone.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Compiled by IWFI</span></div>
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iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-37446061331980701492015-11-26T10:07:00.001-08:002016-02-19T06:33:42.964-08:00Speakers at technology conference call for safer use of Internet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;">The
third edition of the Society and Technology 2015 Conference and Exhibition
(SOCTECH 2015) held at the Lagos Business School of the Pan-Atlantic University
on 27</span><sup style="color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">th</sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;">-28</span><sup style="color: #4a4a4a; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 150%;">th</sup><span style="background-color: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"> October, 2015 and the theme was - The
Digital Age: Corporate Success and the Family. Speakers advised Internet users on
the need to be more security conscious to avoid leaving online footprints that
might be used against them.</span><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
The News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) reported that the speakers spoke against the
backdrop of a subtopic titled: ``Risk and Security in this Digital Age:
Protecting Ourselves and Loved Ones.’’ which affirmed that in spite of the
overwhelming successes recorded by technology, it had some negative impacts on
family values and cultural norms.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
Mr Elo Umeh, the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Terragon Group said that the
internet was a virtual store of information that could be leveraged upon to
solve life’s problems.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;">He, however, noted that cyber-bullying was
gradually becoming a threat to children who surf the internet.According to him,
the internet has made it possible for cyber-criminals to exploit people online
and dispose them of their valuables. He advised parents to ensure that they
educate their children on safety tips on the use of the internet.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
In his presentation, Dr. Pius Onobhayedo, Head of Design and New Media, Pan
African University, said that each time we use the internet, we leave an
imprint that could last forever. According to him, the moment any content is uploaded, they
remain there regardless of whether they are later deleted or not.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span><span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
He advised young people especially to be weary of their activities on social
media, since it could be used against them particularly for those nursing political
and public ambitions. ``We can help ourselves by minding where we step. We
should be careful and safety conscious in the use of the internet since our
service providers know much about us,’’ Onobhayedo said.</span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
</span><span style="color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
<span style="background: white;">Another speaker, Mrs Yetunde Johnson,
the CEO of Sling Shot Technologies, said that the internet has the potential to
violate people’s privacy and, therefore caution must be exercised when using it.
She warned that surfers on the net should be careful entering into unsafe sites
that request for personal information.</span></span><span style="color: #333333; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
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<span style="background: white; color: #4a4a4a; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 150%;">Participants
at this conference expressed their gratitude to the Institute for Work and
Family Integration and the Lagos Business School for putting together this
worthy 2015 Conference theme. NAN reported that the SOCTECH is an annual
technology and society conference that draws the best brains in the industry to
speak on how technology can help the
integration of family and work.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-38189813636356435232015-11-18T02:59:00.008-08:002015-11-18T03:00:39.334-08:00Acceptance: the key to a happy marriage<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We seek acceptance from the time we are children through adulthood. As children we mainly seek approval and acceptance from our parents. However, once we become adults, marriage is often our most intimate relationship, and our spouse is the one from whom we seek acceptance.<br />
<br />
When I accept my spouse, I am able to say, "I love you just as you are. I don't want to change anything about you as a person. If you have big feet, or a short attention span, that is just fine with me. I wouldn't trade in anything that is part of who you are." When you can say those things, you've accepted your spouse.<br />
<br />
That is hard to do. Accepting others doesn't come naturally to us. Rather it is something that we learn how to do over time. At the beginning of our relationship with our spouse, we may love everything about him or her. However, that isn't acceptance. That is wishful thinking. Based on the little that you know about the other person, you are <em>wishing </em>that the rest of the package will be equally perfect.<br />
However, once the haze of new love wears off, we are shocked and think, "Hang on! This person has some flaws. When did they change????" They didn't change. We simply have gotten to know our spouse more fully.<br />
<br />
And really, we are the ones who have changed. Over time, what changes is our view of the other person. The behavior that once seemed adventurous, may seem immature after a couple of years. The sassy attitude that you once may have loved about your spouse suddenly strikes you as bitchy two years into the relationship. And your beloved's initially mesmerizing self-confidence now smacks of arrogance. People don't change. They are who they are. It is our view of them which changes.<br />
<br />
Once we see our spouse for who they are, flaws and all, then we can learn to accept him or her. The problem is that many of us first need to learn to accept ourselves. If we don't accept ourselves, we may find our spouse's qualities to be threatening. For example, we may worry, "If he is gregarious, is it bad that I am shy?" Or we may ask, "If she loves adventure, and I just like to garden, does that make me boring?" We then may try to change our spouse to be like us, in order to eliminate the threat. Instead, we need to learn to love ourselves and be comfortable in being different from our spouse.<br />
Acceptance also takes maturity. It is the mature person who grasps that just because someone is different, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. For instance, just because your spouse has a different opinion than you, that doesn't mean that he or she is wrong. (Note: Facts can be right or wrong. Opinions are just that -- opinions.) My husband and I happen to have very different political views (think James Carville and Mary Matalin). However, our difference of opinion is just that - a difference of opinion -- nothing more. Neither of us expects or even wants the other person to change how they vote or how they think.<br />
<br />
And just because your spouse likes different activities than you do, that doesn't mean that person has bad taste. They just enjoy other things. For example, my husband loves to watch professional sports. I like spending time with him, so I'll sit with him during the evenings while he is watching a game. But frankly, while I am looking at the screen, my mind is often somewhere else. Sports just don't interest me. Nevertheless, I don't need him to give up watching sports. We enjoy so many other things together that it makes little difference to me if he enjoys some things that I don't.<br />
<br />
Once we completely accept our beautifully flawed human spouse for who they are, marriage becomes so much easier. We don't have to agree on every last thing because it is OK to have different opinions. We don't have to feel insecure if we don't possess the same qualities as our spouse. And we don't have to enjoy all the same activities because we're different people!<br />
<br />
Acceptance in marriage, however, must be mutual. If both spouses don't accept each other, they are going to be in a constant struggle. If your spouse has accepted you, but you haven't learned to accept your spouse, think long and hard about the effect of your attitude on your spouse. It is draining to be around someone who is constantly dissatisfied with you. And it is irritating to have someone try to change who you fundamentally are. Instead of trying to change your spouse, consider growing up and changing yourself.<br />
<br />
We all want to be not only loved, but accepted for who we are. If you haven't fully accepted your spouse, start working toward that. It will be to the benefit of both you and your marriage.<br />
<br />
[<span class="name fn" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; font-family: "arial" , "freesans" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="background-color: white; border-color: initial; border-style: initial; box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 12px;">Meerabelle Dey</span> <span style="color: black;">- Huffingtonpost]</span></span>iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-52285152596505946472015-11-18T02:35:00.000-08:002015-11-18T02:35:20.986-08:00Parents should not give up trying to police kids sexting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkDUmDh5f1Aah9h_KvpkzwFteOlUN-au3vzc7YWqgru9zkCpdAskkjQf23zajKjGPBE_zbXzT1-G4nfhukJPzHXm96PaT5nJi-_a6_bKR9Vr1nwB249Ss_fuNhUg_40iQP81SBPWFubLQ/s1600/Parents+should+not+give+up+trying+to+police+kids+sexting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkDUmDh5f1Aah9h_KvpkzwFteOlUN-au3vzc7YWqgru9zkCpdAskkjQf23zajKjGPBE_zbXzT1-G4nfhukJPzHXm96PaT5nJi-_a6_bKR9Vr1nwB249Ss_fuNhUg_40iQP81SBPWFubLQ/s400/Parents+should+not+give+up+trying+to+police+kids+sexting.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
George Welsh says he’s having an “Archie Bunker moment.” The superintendent of Cañon City Schools in Colorado was interviewed this week for a public radio podcast about the “sexting ring” that was discovered in the high school he oversees.</div>
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At first, he noted that the hundred or so students who had been trading hundreds of nude photos probably didn’t realize the implications of their actions and someone needs to explain it to them.</div>
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“Kids just don’t get when you share this with one person you’ve lost all control.” But then, as with so many adults these days, he seemed to wither under the pressure of adolescents.</div>
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Like the protagonist on “All in the Family,” Welsh told his interviewer, “Maybe time has passed me by. Meathead [Archie’s son-in-law] says human bodies are beautiful and why can’t a person if they choose to . . . why can’t they share it with someone else?” Welsh shrugs his shoulders: “I don’t have the answer.”</div>
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Well then perhaps you shouldn’t be in charge of a school system. Welsh approvingly notes that his own seventh-grade daughter says she would never send nude pictures of herself to someone else and doesn’t know anyone who would. But for some reason he does not see fit to give other people’s children the same guidance.</div>
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Cañon City parents, meanwhile, are up in arms that their teens may actually be charged with a felony — the distribution of child pornography — as a result of sending these pictures. Law enforcement is an awfully blunt instrument for dealing with these issues. But that’s what happens when parents and educators abdicate their responsibilities.</div>
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It’s easy, on the one hand, to see why parents have been cowed in the face of these pressures. First they are told that restricting kids could never work. As Regina, the mother of one middle school student told me recently, it’s just like drinking. There is a chorus of parents out there who say their kids are going to drink anyway so they might as well host the party. “No,” she told me. It’s not inevitable. Just because some rules will be broken, doesn’t mean that no rules should be set down.</div>
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There is a lot of pressure to go with the flow when it comes to technology, but she says, “Just because it’s the wave of the future, doesn’t mean my eighth-grader needs to be on Snapchat.”</div>
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The pressure is not only coming from other parents. Take a recent article in the Atlantic called “Parents: Reject Technology Shame” by Alexandra Samuel, in which the author writes: “Vilifying the devices’ place in family life may be misguided.”</div>
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Based on interviews with families, she determines that those who limit technology, as opposed to those who “mentor” their children’s technology use are more successful in teaching their children how to navigate the online world.</div>
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The children of “limiters” are “twice as likely as the children of mentors to access porn or to post rude or hostile comments online.”</div>
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Samuel doesn’t seem to account for the possibility that people limiting their kids’ technology use may simply be reacting to bad behavior they’ve already exhibited online. But she assures us that “It’s not our job as parents to put away the phones. It’s our job to take out the phones and teach our kids how to use them.”</div>
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Yes, obviously once you give your kids access to the Internet or a smartphone, it’s important to teach them what’s appropriate. But limiting their access can be a huge part of that.</div>
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Parents who keep devices in public places, who ensure that kids don’t go to sleep with their phones, and who restrict what kinds of features are enabled and whom they are allowed to communicate with are all making sensible decisions.</div>
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Parents regularly complain that they don’t understand all the different ways their kids can get around their restrictions. For some, this is a reason to just throw in the towel. One professor told The Wall Street Journal that parents shouldn’t bother checking the kids phones: “Kids are smarter than us and will figure out a way to get around us.”</div>
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We’ve been hearing that line since it was accepted that 5-year-olds were more adept at programming VCRs than their parents. But the notion that parents should give up is nonsense. If you don’t have the ability to figure out if your kids are sending naked pictures of themselves or others, you should find someone who does. And if you can’t, your kid shouldn’t have a phone.</div>
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But proclaiming your ignorance about all things technological and then handing your kid the keys to the Internet is bad parenting. Better to let them think you’re watching closely. As one mother explained, “I tell my daughter, ‘It’s my phone. You’re just borrowing it.’ ”</div>
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[NAOMI SCHAEFER RILEY - New York Post]</div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-13924491474584989752015-11-17T03:41:00.000-08:002015-11-17T03:44:36.119-08:00The five countries that came out top from the OECD's Better Life Index<h3>
Short working hour and high levels of personal time for friends and family put Denmark in the number one spot</h3>
It might not be obvious from shows like <em>The Killing</em> and <em>Borgen</em>, but Danes have the best work-life balance in the world, according to new research.<br />
<br />
A healthy resistance to working long hours combined with generous amounts of personal time puts Denmark top for work-life balance on the OECD's 2015 Better Life Index.<br />
We look at the top five countries that have got it right and, spoiler alert, Britain isn't one of them:<br />
<strong><br />1) Denmark</strong><br />
The secret to Denmark's success seems to be short working weeks and a family-friendly work environment.<br />
Only 2% of people in full-time employment work very long hours. Compare that to Britain where the proportion is 13%.<br />
Danes also enjoy extensive state support to families and individuals with young children - state spending on family benefits is high in Denmark at more than 4% of GDP, nearly twice the OECD average.<br />
<strong>2) Spain</strong><br />
Spain comes second as, while Spaniard have just as much personal time to devote to themselves and their families as their Danish counterparts, a higher proportion of them stay late at work.<br />
Workers in Spain devote 16.1 hours, or 67% of their day, to "personal care" and leisure activities, according to the OECD, but 8% still work very long hours.<br />
Spain also has one of the lowest fertility rates in Europe and a poor (but improving) record of female employment, meaning for all that free time, Spaniards haven't managed to successfully combine work and family life to the extent of the more gender-equal Danes.<br />
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Long working hours take away from leisure time and impact work-life balance</div>
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<strong><br />3) The Netherlands</strong><br />
Workers in the Netherlands shun long hours in the workplace with only 0.5% of employees working very long hours. Somehow, though, that doesn't translate into more leisure time as Dutch workers spend an average of about 15.4 hours a day on themselves and their families.<br />
High levels of gender equality mean men and women share work responsibilities and families are helped by generous state benefits.<br />
<strong>4) Belgium</strong><br />
At number four, Belgium benefits from successful flexible working programmes and a high-level of personal time devoted to friends and family, with only 5% of Belgium employees working very long hours.<br />
<strong>5) Norway</strong><br />
Norway comes in at number five, the figures showing Norwegians spend about 15.6 hours of their day either with their families or contemplating the fijords, and only about 3% work very long hours.<br />
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[<span itemprop="name">Alexander Sehmer - Independent]</span>iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-62777790023918170452015-11-06T03:45:00.004-08:002015-11-17T03:17:30.229-08:00Understanding ourselves and children from temperament to character (I)<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Understanding Ourselves and Children From Temperament to Character is the 47th issue of IFFD Papers on a very interesting educational topic.It reproduces selected contents of the Opening Speech at the </span><a href="http://www.familyperspective.org/act/act-0025-en.php" rel="noreferrer" style="color: #0186ba; font-family: inherit;" target="_blank">19th International Family Congress of IFFD</a><span style="font-family: inherit;">, held in Mexico City last month with more than 1,800 delegates from 43 countries. The speaker was Dr Andrew Mullins from Notre Dame University (Australia).</span><br />
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Read More: <a href="http://www.familyperspective.org/pprs/IFFDPapers47EN.pdf" target="_blank">Understanding ourselves and children From temperament to character (I)</a></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Read Also: <a href="http://www.familyperspective.org/pprs/IFFDPapers48EN.pdf" target="_blank">Teaching self-management and respect From temperament to character (II)</a></span></h3>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Dr Andrew Mullins received his doctorate from the University of Notre Dame (Australia) where he holds an appointment as an Adjunct Associate Professor. He has extensive experience in the field of education. He also collaborates with other academic entities and has given numerous lectures and seminars in Australia, New Zealand, Italy, Nigeria and The Philippines. He also has collaborated with newspapers and specialized magazines with articles on education in values, character, and collaboration between schools and colleges. He is the author of ‘Parenting for Character: Equipping Your Child for Life’, a manual for teaching values to children, students and even adults. Andrew Mullins. This text reproduces selected contents of his keynote speech at the 19th International Family Congress(16 October 2015).</span></i><br />
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<br />iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-24634357458413266342015-10-02T03:47:00.000-07:002015-10-02T03:47:58.255-07:00How To Defuse Conflict In A Family Business<div style="color: #2b2b2b; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 24px;">
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In a family business, conflict is inevitable. If it’s not managed well, it can destroy the foundation of the business and lead to emotionally charged conflict that can greatly impact everyone involved. Those who develop effective ways of managing conflict are those most likely to survive — and thrive.</div>
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While not all conflict is unhealthy, there are strategies family business owners can implement to help keep the peace.</div>
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<span style="font-weight: 700;">Establish a conflict management forum</span></div>
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One of the common drivers behind conflict in family businesses is the lack of communication between the family, owners and management. Effective communication with family members is very important for family unity and is common practice among the world’s largest, most successful family businesses.</div>
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Recently, EY teamed with Kennesaw State University’s Cox Family Enterprise Center to survey the world’s largest family businesses. The report, <em>Staying power: how do family businesses create lasting success?</em> finds that 90% of participants have regular family or shareholder meetings to discuss business issues, 70% have regular family meetings to discuss family issues and 64% have a family council that meets regularly.</div>
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Holding regular family council meetings to deal with family issues and shareholders’ meetings to deal with ownership issues can provide a great way for owners to work through the dynamics of these potential sources of conflict. Through these meetings, the family can build and agree on a set of rules that address key ownership issues. The family council becomes a forum that allows family owners to be actively engaged in the debate surrounding ownership and family issues — the emphasis here being on the fact that all family members can participate, regardless of whether they are actively involved in the management of the business.</div>
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A family council can also provide the benefit of keeping family members up to date on developments in the family business where they may not be involved on a day-to-day basis. These meetings provide a forum to provide ongoing education to the next generation in the business.</div>
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<span style="font-weight: 700;">Keep generational differences in mind</span></div>
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Aligning the senior generation’s vision with the incoming generation’s vision is crucial to the success of any family business. Conflict can occur on many fronts. The senior generation may have views about money, authority and other factors that differ from their children’s views. The challenge in every family business is to articulate those differences and be honest about them in order to manage potential conflict effectively.</div>
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It’s important to be clear on precisely who does what in the business and make sure their roles match their skills. If the roles change, consider the implications for both the business and the family. The next generation should be involved and encouraged to learn about the business and its operations as early as possible in order to provide them with the necessary experience and to instil a sense of commitment to the family business.</div>
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<span style="font-weight: 700;">Be clear with succession intentions</span></div>
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Don’t underestimate the impact family dynamics can have on succession planning. More than 87% of the businesses we surveyed have clearly identified who’s responsible for succession, whether it’s a traditional transition or an unexpected change in leadership. Across all regions and countries, the board of directors/advisory board is most often responsible for succession (44%), with the next tier of responsibility shared about equally between owners/family council and the CEO.</div>
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Training, educating and mentoring the next generation is critical to reducing conflict when dealing with succession. Providing a clear and transparent plan for the future is necessary so that all members of the family are aware of the role they’ll play in the future of the business — whether that’s inside or outside the business.</div>
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Families that do business together grow together and in the process can achieve a solid relationship that can weather any storm. Family businesses come with a deeper, more complex network of relationships. Managing conflict is key not only for the survival of the business — but for the survival of the family itself.</div>
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<span style="font-weight: 700;">[ David Steinberg and Colleen McMorrow - Forbes]</span></div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-80123476773299880692015-09-04T03:44:00.000-07:002015-09-04T06:37:03.268-07:00Is Your Teen Online 24/7? Parenting With Spiritual Tools<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Addiction comes in many forms, but there's a relatively new face on the block that has silently slipped its way into family life. It's now a global problem, but there's one country that is battling it with fierce determination.<br />
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China considers Internet addiction a national health crisis and feels it is the number one health threat facing its teenagers. It is the first nation to classify it as a clinical disorder and it has established more than 400 rehab centers designed to treat teens with Internet addictions using military-inspired tactics. <br />
The PBS TV documentary "Web Junkie" follows the lives of three young teenage boys whose parents admit them out of desperation to one such correctional facility south of Beijing. There, they spend at least three months in a jail-like boot camp, which includes a total lack of computer access. <br />
For the three teens in "Web Junkie," their gaming addiction, sometimes referred to as "electronic heroin," leads them to drop out of school, neglect their family and friends, and experience poor health due to lack of sleep, proper nutrition, and exercise. But perhaps the greatest ill-effect is related to their perception of reality. According to one teen in the film, referring to the "real world" versus the virtual, he says, "Reality is too fake."<br />
How do you reprogram a teen to recognize that the cyberworld is actually fake? That's not an easy question to answer, and it's one that's being grappled with in treatment centers. <br />
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Addressing the spiritual needs of young people could be a key factor in the process. <br />
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Feelings of loneliness and anxiety often accompany gaming and online addictions. Yet genuine love and peace have their foundation in a divine source that can't ever be exhausted, and are discovered, as one spiritual teacher explained it, in "spiritual living." She wrote, "Spiritual living and blessedness are the only evidences, by which we can recognize true existence and feel the unspeakable peace which comes from an all-absorbing spiritual love" (<em>Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures</em>, Mary Baker Eddy).<br />
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Superficial highs promise fulfillment but instead bring dissatisfaction and restlessness. The teens in the Beijing treatment center looked online for virtual friends and spent countless hours gaming, which estranged them from their parents. One boy was required by a therapist to face his father and simply say "Dad" 30 times. It was a touching scene when in the middle of the exercise he stopped and simply looked into his father's eyes with a sense of connection. <br />
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Raising children today requires parents to effectively manage both the usefulness and vices of being "connected." As a parent of teens, this hasn't been without its challenges, but my husband and I have seen the importance of defining clear limits for Internet usage, as well as providing a religious and moral education that includes Bible study and Sunday School. This has helped give our children a compass for making wise decisions, as well as any needed course-corrections.<br />
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This summer when our soon-to-be freshman in high school headed off to summer camp to be in the mountains and by a lake, he left the computer behind and handed us his phone with, perhaps surprisingly, hardly a flinch. It was clear his "trade" wasn't just due to camp rules, but because he knew camp offered the kind of satisfaction that is achieved in the "real world," with actual woods and mountains to explore and goals to achieve, including spiritual ones. He also had friends to chat with into the night and <em>in person</em>.<br />
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The Chinese parents' desperation to help their boys in "Web Junkie" was heart-rending and turned me to scriptural wisdom for answers. I was reminded of a statement Jesus made to his disciples when they failed to heal a boy who was mentally unstable: "This kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting." He then restored the boy to health. He tells his disciples that with faith "as small as a mustard seed" they would be able to "move mountains."<br />
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Internet addiction among teenagers and young adults may feel like an immovable mountain, and our understanding as parents of how best to help may seem mustard-seed small in comparison to the problem. Still, the solution can begin with vigilant parenting. There's a need to fast from enabling hours of online entertainment and instead focus on nurturing strong family bonds, encouraging time spent exploring the wondrous natural world, and recognizing the innate spiritual purity and goodness in teens. <br />
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Focusing on these things can only help with stability in all areas of life, including striking the right balance with time spent on the internet.<br />
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Ingrid Peschke - The Huffington Postiwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-50750344411327068952015-08-11T04:39:00.000-07:002015-08-24T04:51:51.812-07:00How to stop over-parenting your childA new book taking America by storm accuses modern parents of damaging their children with excessive hand-holding. How did it come to this?<br />
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In the era of my childhood, there was no such thing as “parenting”. There were parents, of course, but child-rearing was a fairly simple pursuit, not an active verb.<br />
Mothers and fathers loved and cared for their children, fed and clothed them and occasionally asked if they had done their homework. If there were a few books around the house and they got good marks at school, then there was a fair chance their offspring would go to university and then they were on their own. <br />
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The only time my mother ever saw my college at Durham was when I graduated. Except for the occasional postcard, she never heard from me during term time. She didn’t have a clue that I nearly failed my first-year exams because any lectures before midday were a bit too early for me. I doubt she even asked how I was doing. </div>
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New discoveries in science - and the effect on parenting </h4>
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Such benign neglect would seem very out of place now. Many of the generation attending university are the babies who, almost from birth, were ferried between Mini Mozart and Mandarin classes in cars plastered with Baby on Board bumper stickers. They grew up at a time when new discoveries about brain development were misinterpreted to mean that sooner always meant better for a baby – and there was not a moment to waste. As their toddlers grew into childhood and beyond, parents continued to orchestrate their lives at every turn to try and guarantee their future success in life, signing them up with tutors not because they were falling behind, but to get them ahead. </div>
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Now, however, as this first cohort of hyper-parented tots comes of age, a new book – currently in the top ten of The New York Times Family Bestsellers list – reveals some terrifying truths about how this excess of care has affected them. </div>
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How to Raise an Adult, by American academic and mother of two Julie Lythcott-Haims, argues that the more involved the parent, the less able the child at standing on its own two feet. </div>
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She questions why, when we have invested so much in their future, have we stopped growing responsible grown-ups, and started producing overgrown kids instead? </div>
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Parents still hover as their children attend university </h4>
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It was after a decade serving as Dean of Freshmen at Stanford University that Lythcott-Haims began to notice a startling rise in the level of involvement of parents in their children’s lives. But instead of producing a new breed of brighter, more accomplished Wunderkind, she found freshers to be overqualified academically, yet under-equipped to deal with the day-to-day practicalities of the world. They might have understood the essentials of particle physics in the lecture theatre but they didn’t know how to boil an egg in their student digs. In the course of researching her book, Lythcott-Haims encountered more and more young adults who eschewed independence and seemed unable to look after themselves properly. She became convinced that parents were to blame. </div>
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Time was when the start of secondary school was the moment parents began to stand back and allow their children more independence. But now the helicopter parent, the one who played classical music to their baby in the womb, is still hovering close as their child graduates from university. </div>
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As Lythcott-Haims observes: “It was [becoming] harder to convince the parents of college students to take a back seat and let their son or daughter be the driver of their own college experience.” </div>
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Nor did these young people seem to want to grow up. “Each year, more students were grateful for a parent’s involvement, rather than wanting to try and handle matters on their own,” she writes. </div>
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A similar story is evolving in Britain. University open days are now aimed as much at parents as would-be students, with websites offering pages of advice for them on how to make the break. The University of South Wales has its own dedicated magazine, Parent Space, to help them through this difficult time. </div>
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According to one recent survey, 50 per cent of youngsters take their mum or dad along to open days, apparently without embarrassment, so they too can ask key questions about courses and accommodation. </div>
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And when they start their courses – carefully chosen, of course, by those helicopter parents to guarantee the most lucrative careers – the mums and dads find it hard to buzz off. Some are spotted still hanging around halls during <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/universityeducation/student-life/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">freshers</span></a> week. Then when term gets under way, they monitor events remotely. Tutors receive snippy emails from parents complaining about low essay marks. Principals get calls from parents living hundreds of miles away whinging about a broken radiator in their son/daughter’s room – when the caretaker is just around the corner. </div>
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We’re not yet at the point of introducing ''Letting Go’’ training sessions for parents as some American colleges have, or ''parting ceremonies’’ to reinforce heavy hints that it’s time to disappear, but perhaps we’re not far off. </div>
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<br /><br />So how has it all gone so badly wrong, when our intentions were so good? </h4>
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A number of factors, it seems, have driven us to this excessive over-parenting. Competition for university places that previous generations assumed were their right is ever greater, especially from high-achieving students from other cultures, such as India and the Far East, where education is more valued and a family’s honour and future may depend on it. </div>
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In addition, while it was once (mostly) free to go to university, parents who are now forking out thousands a year feel entitled to get their money’s worth, whether by assessing the quality of tuition or rating halls of residence as they would a hotel on TripAdvisor. </div>
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Furthermore, continual pushing has become the norm because it is contagious. As soon as we see other parents shoving their kids forward, we feel compelled to do the same. With the best jobs dependent on stellar degrees from top universities, it feels as if there’s too much at stake to risk allowing our offspring to get on with it, God Forbid, all by themselves. </div>
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Along the way – as I point out in my book Taming the Tiger Parent – parents have forgotten the huge smile you see on a child’s face when they have done something all by themselves for the first time. </div>
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While we might think we are acting in their best interests we are, in fact, denying them the opportunity to look after themselves. Our children take this to mean we have no confidence in their abilities. Lythcott-Haims says we are sending the message that: ''Kids, you actually can’t do any of this without me.’’ In a recent survey in the Journal of Family Psychology, only 16 per cent of 18- to 25-year-olds said they felt they had reached adulthood. And their parents agreed! Study after study has found that when adults take over their children’s lives, the children feel more vulnerable, self-conscious and worried. Further down the line, they are more likely to be treated for anxiety and depression. </div>
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Source: The Telegraph</div>
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By <span rel="author">Tanith Carey</span></div>
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iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-75205658299815532742015-07-27T03:00:00.000-07:002015-07-30T05:37:00.931-07:00Family violence can affect children even before birth, royal commission told<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Guardian Text Egyptian Web", Georgia, serif; line-height: 24px; margin-bottom: 1rem; padding: 0px;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children are “exquisitely sensitive” to the suffering of their parents, medical experts have told Victoria’s royal commission into family violence.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />Professor Louise Newman, director for women’s mental health at Melbourne’s Royal women’s hospital, and Dr Robyn Miller, a social worker and family therapist, told the commission children could be affected by family violence even before they were born.</span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Women released hormones in response to the stress of being harmed, Newman said, which could permeate the placenta and affect the baby’s development in utero, with potentially severe consequences for the pregnancy.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They are more likely to have preterm deliveries ... babies can have growth problems in their nervous system and brain, and also be small babies, so potentially vulnerable in terms of their ongoing development,” Newman said.
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It made identifying women in high-risk situations during pregnancy essential, she said. Maternal and child health nurses were skilled at being able to engage with complex and challenging families and provided an opportunity to intervene, the commission heard.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“If we could engage fathers at that point there might be a window of opportunity. Most men want to do the right thing by their children,” Miller said. “We must train medical professionals to be attuned to indicators of violence, and how you speak about these things with families makes all the difference.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Miller described seeing babies just a couple of weeks old fall into a state of “frozen watchfulness” due to being exposed to violence between the parents.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“They only have to hear the voice of the perpetrator and they’re in this dissociative state,” Miller said. “One of the really important things to understand is children and very young babies can sense the fear in their parents. They can smell fear. Children are exquisitely sensitive.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As they grew older, children often assumed a sense of responsibility for their parents, the commission heard.The first few years of life was the most significant period of brain development, the commission heard. Traumatic experiences during this time could affect a child’s learning ability, memory and attention span.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’ve seen kids who have jumped on the backs of their mother as she is being stabbed,” Miller said. “They are active agents in preventing their siblings from harm.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Newman and Miller said children often had no way of making sense of the turmoil around them, and these experiences left them with traumatic memories. They could suffer severe flashbacks that lasted into adulthood, the commission heard.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’ve seen babies with injuries,” Miller said. “I’ve seen children who’ve endured a range of different injuries. The traumatic memories for children are stored differently. They’re like a dog’s breakfast.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“A child can be triggered when they smell something, when they hear dad’s voice raised, when they see that look on their mum’s face, when someone grabs them from behind at school in a game.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Children often responded by acting out, becoming withdrawn, or both, the commission heard. Their schooling often suffered. As they grew older, they were more likely to become involved in exploitative relationships, and were vulnerable to being manipulated, targeted and groomed for child abuse by outsiders.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In an act of self-preservation, children often sided with the perpetrator, the commission heard. Miller said she had often seen children brainwashed by their fathers.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Joining with the powerful one, the perpetrator,<strong> </strong>is often the best way to survive,” Miller said. “Children will often become conscripted into the dynamic which is very disrespectful towards women.”</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For every dollar spent on prevention of child harm, $17 could be saved, the commission heard.</span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Georgia;">Sarah Marsh</span><span style="font-family: Georgia;"> and <span itemprop="author" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"><span style="color: black;">Lisa Spiller</span> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Georgia;"><span itemprop="author" itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Person"></span></span>Culled from theguardian</span></div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-61762079016596141112015-06-29T08:27:00.000-07:002016-05-11T10:36:58.850-07:00Making your Marriage Work<div style="text-align: left;">
It was yet another memorable weekend at the Epe Resort and Spa with nine couples participating in IWFI Married Couples Retreat.<br />
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Amidst the fun and laughter that usually characterize the MCR weekend, was also tears. I would say tears of joy and perhaps, that rediscovery of love that seemed forgotten. I guess having heard that being vulnerable towards your spouse also enhances intimacy and that communication is key to a smooth relationship. Only the hardest of hearts can hold back the emotion when a spouse goes on his/her knee to say ‘I am sorry’.</div>
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From the first session couples were encouraged to focus just on themselves. As they were told “....the whole program is about the two of you. Ignore the rest of us; focus on yourselves and the planning of your future...” For sure the program is for our guest couples but I never fail to take away some tips for myself (yes I am a spouse) that can help when I go back home.<br />
My favourite quote from the last MCR program was; “Marriage, like life, is a journey - not a destination – and its treasures are found not just at the end but all along the way” Your lack of control of some events in your marriage, the good one and the bad ones alike are to be treasured. You cannot run away, but make the best of the situation.<br />
The goal of the Married Couples Retreat is to enrich the lives of married couples and help them discover a life-long marriage of true love and fulfillment for a great society to the glory of God.<br />
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by IWFI<br />
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iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-89293932204549464172015-06-21T12:01:00.002-07:002015-06-21T12:01:10.256-07:00Watch TV With Your Family<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Watching television like they did in the 1950s—and watching classic shows—can strengthen family ties<br />
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A recent study found positive outcomes for families that used media such as TV, movies and the Internet ‘as a tool—to laugh together, to become informed, to connect, to spark discussion.<br />
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By JENNIFER BREHENY WALLACE<br />
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Sixty years ago, television served as a center of family home life. Today, the average American owns four digital devices on which to consume media, according to Nielsen. Back then, three networks dominated; now the average home has 189 channels to choose from. And according to a recent report by Deloitte, 90% of viewers multitask while watching TV, busying themselves with things like social networking, Web surfing, emailing and texting.<br />
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All the same, recent studies suggest that viewing media as a family can still be a great way to bond. A paper published this past summer in the Journal of Adolescent Research reviewed longitudinal data on 633 adolescents and their parents. It found positive outcomes for families that used media such as TV, movies and the Internet “as a tool—to laugh together, to become informed, to connect, to spark discussion.” Such shared activities led to greater levels of personal disclosure for adolescent boys, more positive family functioning for adolescent girls and greater parental involvement for both.<br />
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Television also can be an effective tool for improving social-emotional skills in young children, but parents have to be choosy. In a study published last year in the Journal of Broadcasting & Electronic Media, researchers assessed which programs most encouraged such learning. “Look for shows that focus on altruistic behaviors like sharing and cooperation,” says lead researcher Claire Christensen of the University of Illinois at Chicago, and avoid those that rely too much on negative behaviors to teach a lesson. “Children whose parents explicitly talk about the shows’ lessons immediately afterwards,” she says, “are more likely to learn” positive social skills.<br />
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Finding family-friendly shows to watch together is a challenge today, says Melissa Henson, national grassroots director of the Parents Television Council, a Los Angeles-based media watchdog group. In a recent report, the council reviewed 21 family-centric shows that aired in the last several months of 2013 and found that 99% of episodes contained some form of adult content, like sex, violence or profanity.<br />
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“Families want shows that are ‘safe’ to watch together, and they’re not getting them on today’s broadcast television,” says Ms. Henson. Some of her group’s members are returning to classics like “Little House on the Prairie.”<br />
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Mary Anne Hunting, a New York mother of 9-year-old twins, likes to watch “Mayberry R.F.D.” and “The Andy Griffith Show” with her family when her own mother visits. “We laugh and laugh,” she says. Unlike many shows today, “old shows worked for multiple generations.”<br />
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Whatever shows parents watch with their children, here are some tips for making the most of family TV:<br />
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Label what you see. To build social and emotional skills in younger children, it helps to label what they see on the screen, says Dr. Christensen. As they get older, she says, talk about what causes the TV character’s emotions, so that children begin to understand how emotions form. “Try as much as you can to relate those TV lessons back to your child’s own life experiences,” she adds.<br />
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Resist binging. Before VCRs and on-demand viewing, TV fans would schedule their week around their favorite shows. Enjoy the anticipation of watching one show at a time, and maximize its impact by taking the week after seeing it to talk about the moral of the story.<br />
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Let teens choose. When teens pick a program, you can get insight into their interests, and it may make them more apt to talk about the show later. If you are doing the choosing, try to match their interests: the 1990s sitcom “Friends,” for example, might get conversations going with an older teen, says the Parents Television Council.<br />
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Laugh together. Lots of family settings bring power dynamics and generational tensions into play, but watching funny programs together often serves to collapse these differences. Evolutionary biologists theorize that we laugh to build social bonds. Use it to strengthen family connections.<br />
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Make a tradition. The consistency of family traditions, like watching a certain show together every week or even the same holiday special each year, can bring children a sense of security and belonging. While watching, put away the many available distractions and build the kind of memory that everyone can look back on for years to come.<br />
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—Ms. Wallace is a freelance writer in New York and a contributing editor to EmpoweringParents.comiwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-9388307318216934722015-06-19T08:06:00.000-07:002015-06-19T08:09:04.090-07:00Teaching your Children Emphatic AssertivenessIn recent years there have been a lot of articles about the importance of teaching children empathy. As a psychotherapist (and a mom) who specializes in relationships, I could not agree more. I am hopeful that the emphasis on empathy will help children become happier people with more fulfilling relationships. On a larger scale, I hope a focus on empathy will make the world a better and more compassionate place.<br />
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However, I also believe that teaching our children assertiveness is just as important as teaching empathy. I like to call the balance of being a kind and empathic person while also being a person that is firm, self-assured and confident, “empathic assertiveness.” Empathic assertiveness means that we respect others and can see their perspective, but at the same time we’re firm in our boundaries and are confident in how we implement them.<br />
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In my practice, I often see confusion of how empathy and assertiveness can harmoniously work together. I see parents who appreciate empathy but have apprehension towards it and I also see people who act out of empathy but often to their own detriment. Because of this, I have come to realize that empathy is often thought of as being mutually exclusive from assertiveness.<br />
The parents I see with an apprehension of empathy usually have a fear of the old cliché that “kindness is weakness.” A well intentioned fear of a parent is that if their child is too empathic they may be taken advantage of. This can be a valid concern because while compassion and empathy are instrumental to positive and deep relationships, the tendency to over-identify with others may open the door for people to take advantage or push and cross boundaries.<br />
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I have seen anxious people do things that make them uncomfortable because of guilt. I have seen people let others push and bulldoze their boundaries because they felt bad about saying “no” to someone or didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Again, while it is of the utmost importance to be able to take the perspective of another and see where they are coming from, it should not go too far to the point that we can’t speak up for ourselves, say no, or set appropriate personal boundaries.<br />
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As a parent, teaching the balance of empathy and assertiveness may feel tricky. Modeling your own empathic assertiveness in situations at home and outside of the home is a great way for children to learn how to communicate well with others in a way that is respectful to themselves and others, especially later on in life with the important figures in their lives: colleagues, friends, romantic partners and family members. Positive relationships with others are critical in professional and personal success in life.<br />
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There are also always great opportunities for teaching moments where you can emphasize that there is an importance to be compassionate of others and compassionate to ourselves. Questions like, <em>“How do you think that made that person feel?”</em> and <em>“How did you feel about that?” </em>help open the door for children to understand that others’ feelings are valid and so are their own. For children who don’t yet understand their own feelings, it’s good to help them label their feelings:<em> “You felt very sad when Bobby took your toy and you cried.”</em> As children get older and go through life, their ability to navigate these situations on their own and finding the balance between self-care and care of others (often the pendulum shifts and they can’t always be in perfect balance) will grow stronger.<br />
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<em><strong>Here are some suggestions for teaching or modeling empathic assertiveness whenever possible:</strong></em><br />
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<li>Saying “no” to something that makes you uncomfortable does not mean you are rude or mean. Being rude means that you deliberately say or do something that is hurtful to another person. Saying no to respect yourself is not disrespecting someone else.</li>
<li>You do not always have to explain yourself when you don’t want to do something. Sometimes saying “no” is enough.</li>
<li>In important relationships, listen to others and validate the parts of their perspective that make sense to you but also make sure that you are in relationships where you are being heard in the same way.</li>
<li>In relationships and friendships, a constructive conversation is one where both parties feel heard and work to compromise to a point where everyone is comfortable that their needs are being met.</li>
<li>You can speak up for yourself and still be kind. For example, if you’re at a restaurant and you are overcharged on your bill, you can ask to have the problem fixed in a nice way. “I appear to have been overcharged on this bill. Can you please take a look at it and make the adjustments as necessary? Thank you so much!”</li>
<li>If you disagree with someone in your home in front of your child(ren) you can respectfully work through the confrontation by not raising your voice or getting defensive and validating their perspective before stating your own. For example, “I can understand why you get upset when I don’t take out the garbage. However, I was incredibly overwhelmed and busy today and it slipped my mind. If you could gently remind me to do that next time, it would be helpful and I’d feel more inclined to do it.”</li>
<li>Forgiveness means that you don’t hold anger, bitterness or resentment towards someone. However, that doesn’t mean you need to keep people in your life who have hurt you. You can forgive people and keep them at arm’s length or not have them in your life at all.</li>
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<br />by Lena Aburdene Derhally - The Washington Post<br />
<em>Derhally is a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety and Imago relationship theory at the Imago Center in Washington DC. She has a toddler and a newborn.</em>iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-36753160561346850462015-06-08T02:45:00.000-07:002015-06-08T03:32:08.354-07:00What Parents Should Tell Their Kids About Finding a Career<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 18px;"><span>by <span style="color: firebrick;">James M. Citrin</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">“After board dinners, we inevitably sit around and talk about our kids and their careers,” Dave Calhoun recently told me. “Frankly, we’re often at a loss with how to help them.” If someone with Calhoun’s experience has trouble with this – he’s chairman of Nielsen’s board, sits on boards of Boeing and Caterpillar, and is on the management committee at Blackstone – I know he can’t be alone.<br /><br />The truth is, it’s difficult to advise kids about how careers really work today and how to get any job, much less a great job. All parents love their kids and want to set them up for a life of self-sufficiency, meaning, and happiness. But at the same time, your advice may be heavily discounted – the world has changed since you were job-hunting as a new grad, and your kid may not see that you realize that. Moreover, whether you intend it or not, chances are your kids will perceive that you expect them to surpass your own success, which can make even the most well-intentioned conversation feel fraught.<br /><br />So what should you do — and not do — when it comes to helping your kids with their careers?<br /><br />Begin by telling them that in the early going they will be valued more on their potential than on their experience and track record. I call the first couple of years in one’s career the Aspiration Phase, in which it’s all about exercising one’s intellectual and interpersonal energies, and bringing enthusiasm, work ethic, and energy to an organization. The Aspiration Phase is about discovery, the process of learning, and the development of knowledge; in other words, the time when your kids will be getting the early experiences that will inform and influence their career. The most important objective is for them to discover their strengths and interests, and to begin learning marketable skills. They should try out as many different kinds of tasks and jobs as possible, and get feedback from peers, friends, and mentors to help them identify what they’re good at (and what they’re not).<br /><br />When your son or daughter gets to their middle to late twenties, they are likely to be in when I call the Promise Phase. During this stage, their value will begin to be recognized through compensation, promotions, and access to the best assignments and mentors. Your kids should continue to explore their interests and talents, but the key will be to also begin to develop a track record and reputation around specific professional skills, and in so doing make meaningful contributions to their organization. During this stage, encourage them to find out the answers to questions such as whether they prefer working on their own, in small project teams, or in larger organizations, and whether they are honestly willing to put up with the late nights and weekend work required for jobs in lucrative sectors like technology and financial services. They should reflect on whether they thrive in competitive environments, where there are stars and also-rans, or if they prefer cultures that put a premium on teamwork, or tenure. Honest answers to these kinds of questions will help guide them to the career paths more suited to them.<br /><br />If your college graduate is struggling to answer these questions, help them understand that there are inevitable tradeoffs to be made between three competing forces:<br />Job satisfaction, which is all about the inherent quality of what they are working on, the impact of the role, how much autonomy they have and how much they’re learning, and how proud they are to be associated with a brand.<br />Lifestyle, which has to do with where they live, their working hours, how much control they have over their schedule, if they have to commute, and general working conditions.<br />Money, which includes base salary, bonus potential, and perhaps equity or long-term compensation.<br /><br />This the Career Triangle. The reality is that it is relatively easy to maximize one of the points on the triangle, and it’s not impossible to optimize a second. But especially in the early years of one’s career, it’s incredibly difficult to max out all three. In other words, if your daughter is complaining about working until midnight as an investment banking intern, ask her if she really enjoys the work. If not then, she may want to consider an alternative direction as she’s only optimizing the money point of the triangle. Or if your son is having trouble making ends meet working for Teach for America, but loves the job and enjoys where he’s currently based, then encourage him to live frugally and know that there will be time to rebalance his career around compensation a little later.<br /><br />Speaking about money and jobs, there is a single piece of advice you can give your kids that is so obvious that many people overlook it. If your son or daughter wants to make a lot of money, the single best way is to go into a field that pays well. To quote Ben Stein, renowned columnist for The New York Times, from advice to college freshmen that he wished he had received himself when he started Columbia University in the early 1960s, “Over the years, I have seen it. Smart men and women in finance and corporate law always grow rich, or at least well-to-do. Incredibly smart men and women in short-story writing or anthropology or acting rarely do.”<br /><br />The final key point to stress with your kids about how careers really work is the power of relationships. Relationships are critical both to getting jobs and to being successful once on the job. But it is also one of the most essential factors to overall happiness. You want to encourage your kids to have a relationship mindset, always seeking to help others, making an extra effort to be polite to everyone they come into contact with, especially in a professional context, regardless of what role or how senior someone is in an organization. You want to stress the importance of following up on introductions and sending thank you emails. But I would actually advise you to not encourage your kid to network. Trust me, they have been buffeted by messages about how everything happens through networking. They are likely to believe already that they will need to network to find jobs. Not only do they not need extra pressure to do that, but in fact, they will be more effective and happier if you encourage them to focus less on networking and more on finding ways to develop meaningful relationships, based on the timeless truth of give-and-take.<br /><br />No doubt your child has already gotten a lot of advice from his or her career counseling office on the basics of setting up a LinkedIn profile, writing a resume, and interviewing. They may even have been taught how to create a “target list” that organizes their first-choice companies into a spreadsheet, with contacts, follow-ups, and next steps. Books like mine and good career counselors can teach them that. But as their parent, they’re likely looking to you for something else. They don’t need you to organize their job search for them, nag them, or serve up unhelpful platitudes like “follow your passions.” Instead, help them think through the tradeoffs they’ll have to make. Resist the urge to relate everything back to your own experience – that can come across as, “Here’s how I did it, so it’s the road you should take, too.” Instead, let your daughter or son know that their career will likely follow a winding path, with multiple left and right turns.<br /><br />You can’t give them a map – but you can give them encouragement that there is indeed one, and can help them learn to read it for themselves.<br /><br /><em><strong>culled from the Havard Business Review</strong></em></span>iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-34345645016738225402015-04-16T09:32:00.001-07:002015-04-16T09:32:38.324-07:00Nine Things Successful People Do Differently<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 2rem; padding: 2.5rem 0px 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility;">
<span style="line-height: 30.3999996185303px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">by </span><span style="color: #cc0000;">Heidi Grant Halvorson</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 1.9;">Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people </span><span style="line-height: 1.9;">reach their goals</span><span style="line-height: 1.9;"> </span><span style="line-height: 1.9;">not simply because of who they are, but more often because of </span><span style="line-height: 1.9;">what they do</span><span style="line-height: 1.9;">.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;"><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">1. Get specific. </span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there. Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague — be clear and precise. “I’ll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you’ve actually done it.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />2. Seize the moment to act on your goals.</span> Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.<br /><span style="color: #222222; line-height: 1.9;">To seize the moment, </span><span style="color: black; line-height: 1.9;">decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in</span><span style="line-height: 1.9;"> advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll work out for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;">3. Know exactly how far you have left to go.</span> Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />4. Be a realistic optimist.</span> When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" /><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good.</span> Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can <em style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit;">get </em>the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.<br /><span style="line-height: 1.9;">Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;"><br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />6. Have grit.</span> Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.<br /><span style="line-height: 1.9;">The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;">7. Build your willpower muscle.</span> Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.<br /><span style="line-height: 1.9;">To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t. Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur (“If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.”) It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;">8. Don’t tempt fate.</span> No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700; line-height: inherit;">9. Focus on what you <em style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit;">will </em>do, not what you <em style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: inherit;">won’t</em> do.</span> Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.<br /><span style="line-height: 1.9;">If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It is my hope that, after reading about the nine things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.</span></div>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-42363722486152865022015-04-15T03:25:00.000-07:002015-04-15T03:26:39.307-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUseZjpVKcGM23I0xxFLJH3LRx-Ne4-CsE6LI1Zu_U682ZffRoMXJPMz00teWsC7X3wb9i34mxZOTiBYdUu4WRaO0or9F9GyttqwV9ou9AUYhGVKFLd8fRCYDinQzTbcgCMx1q16p-Cgw/s1600/kids&absentee+parent+tweets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUseZjpVKcGM23I0xxFLJH3LRx-Ne4-CsE6LI1Zu_U682ZffRoMXJPMz00teWsC7X3wb9i34mxZOTiBYdUu4WRaO0or9F9GyttqwV9ou9AUYhGVKFLd8fRCYDinQzTbcgCMx1q16p-Cgw/s1600/kids&absentee+parent+tweets.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #292f33; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px;"></span></div>
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To fill the gap created by absentee parents, kids find new Character Models from: Nannies, Drivers, Gardeners, TV personalities, etc #iwfi #family</div>
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<br />iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-65600907759788537232015-03-05T02:34:00.000-08:002015-03-06T08:42:52.451-08:00The Power of doing less for our children to achieve more<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">
</span><span style="color: black;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOLsYyM-wLAQoDKUvrzPgQ_kiUWhgiNTypjoMUvz95QUiPJ78hJbAGTJj908H3wTcGvBhDGKH72WjdvXw_Xu-yzd1FXkGVUBk6dTsaykzie_YaleyLEysN9auxqLM81ag3rKOIGe2yw_A/s1600/bbbbb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOLsYyM-wLAQoDKUvrzPgQ_kiUWhgiNTypjoMUvz95QUiPJ78hJbAGTJj908H3wTcGvBhDGKH72WjdvXw_Xu-yzd1FXkGVUBk6dTsaykzie_YaleyLEysN9auxqLM81ag3rKOIGe2yw_A/s1600/bbbbb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></a><br /></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">By Eloise Cataudella, Manager of Communications, Institute of Marriage and Family, Canada.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">What if the very things you did to
give your child a leg up could actually hurt their chances for success? What if
too much of a good thing </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;">
lessons, toys, even choices </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;">
had the opposite effect, putting your child at a disadvantage?</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Family counselor and best-selling
author Kim John Payne, M.Ed., says this is exactly what</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s happening in modern
parenting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some children, as a result,
are nudged toward anxiety disorders, ADHD or bullying.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">In an interview with the IMFC,
Payne explains the problem: Parents, driven by a deep desire to provide for
their children, are falling into the trap of providing </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">too much.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">” </span><span style="color: black;">Until recently in history, the
challenge for parents was to provide enough. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Every parent hopes to unleash
their child</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
boundless potential. They buy heaps of toys and books whilst signing their
child up for classes to maximize learning, enrichment and experiences. Yet,
before long, parents are providing so much stimulation that it interferes with
their child</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
development, thwarts their child</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
concentration, blocks their creativity, drains their resilience and even rattles
their sense of security.</span></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Too much, too young</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Payne describes the four pillars
of </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">too much</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span><span style="color: black;"> in children</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s lives: too much stuff, too
many choices, too much information and too much speed.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">We tend to think that if something
is educational or enriching, then more of it must be better. But Payne warns
parents that quantity is just as important as quality, and more is not always
better.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Payne compares the temptation of
too much enrichment with overeating. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">Just
as we are becoming more discerning about what we will feed a family, it</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s a question about being more
discerning about what comes into the day for a child.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Too much stuff, information and
busyness overwhelm children. It will come out in all sorts of unpleasant ways,
depending on his or her little personality. Payne highlights that every child
has what he calls quirks, which are simultaneously gifts. He warns that the
ongoing, silent pressure of </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">too
much</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span><span style="color: black;"> causes a child</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s quirks to slowly slide into
disorders. This is what happens when the active child becomes hyperactive, the
dreamy child loses all ability to focus, and the orderly child becomes rigid
and compulsive.</span></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">The war on childhood</span><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">The problem, according to Payne,
is that there is an undeclared war on childhood. If that sounds a tad overdramatic,
consider his experience.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Kim John Payne has traveled the
world and spent time treating children in refugee camps. While running a
private practice in England, he was shocked to see so many similarities between
the children there and the refugee children. </span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Over many years, it became
increasingly clear that certain kids from affluent families </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;"> living perfectly safe,
privileged lives </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;">
were behaving in a manner similar to children halfway around the globe near war
zones.</span></span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">The refugee children were living
out the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder. As Payne describes: They
were jumpy, nervous, and hypervigilant, wary of anything novel or new. Many had
adopted elaborate little rituals around everyday tasks, such as very specific,
complicated ways of navigating the maze of the camp, which they imagined would
somehow keep them safe. They were distrustful of new relationships, whether
with adults or their own peers, and quite a few had hair-trigger tempers.</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">He says the main distinction between
the two groups was that the privileged children in England were physically
safe. But mentally, they too were living in a sort of war zone where they
needed coping strategies to feel safe.</span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIDhVmpqZHNnS4dxQpd3Cvl1rORkjyHJUGXOSKfQ2f8sOiiB8xbJ4qdJDHmCsR7TCf6LLrNVSPUAmJwTuStENxNpK1TJ2G_s0EK5k8KrbjXkx7hptbpIuRSi4p09jkAj5wLn-aYcI958/s1600/war+on+childhood.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwIDhVmpqZHNnS4dxQpd3Cvl1rORkjyHJUGXOSKfQ2f8sOiiB8xbJ4qdJDHmCsR7TCf6LLrNVSPUAmJwTuStENxNpK1TJ2G_s0EK5k8KrbjXkx7hptbpIuRSi4p09jkAj5wLn-aYcI958/s1600/war+on+childhood.jpg" height="221" width="400" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">How could a well-cared for child
in the western world be living in a so-called war zone? Payne explains:</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">Privy
to their parents</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">
fears, drives, ambitions, and the very fast pace of their lives, the children
were busy trying to construct their own boundaries, their own level of safety
in behaviors that weren</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">t
ultimately helpful.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span><span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">These children were suffering what
Payne calls a </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">cumulative
stress reaction.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span><span style="color: black;">
There was no significant trauma in their lives, only the constant drip, drip,
drip of too much, that they weren</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">t
able to process or to turn off. </span></span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">In England, Canada, and around the
world, we protect children physically more than ever before. We legislate for
car seats and prohibit tobogganing. Mentally, however, we are putting them into
adult roles and schedules. Unable to control the gush of information and
expectations placed on them, they look for other aspects of their world that
they can control.</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">In our interview, Payne explained
the link between today</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
frenetic pace of life and the rise of bullying:</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When you have a child who is reacting in the
new normal out of what I</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">ve
described as a cumulative stress reaction, a post-traumatic stress reaction,
what you see is a child that is over-controlling, a child who is desperately
trying to control their environment because they feel like they</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">re living an out-of-control pace
in the world. So they</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">ll
seek to over-control others. Over-controlling others is just another word for
bullying. </span></span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">He recommends the same
simplification process for bullies and for the children who are being bullied.
The simplification helps bullies to feel less out of control, while it helps
the victims to become more emotionally resilient.</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: black;">Rejecting the new normal</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">The effects of providing too much
have become increasingly common. We fear our children might fall behind. We don</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">t want to miss an opportunity or
a talent, so we sign them up for all kinds of wonderful activities </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;"> sports, music, martial arts,
visual arts. We fill in every nook and cranny of their rooms with books, toys
and gadgets, while also filling every spare moment with lessons, information
and fun experiences. We shuttle about from one scheduled activity to another,
wondering how life got so crazy.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">When we stop, exhausted, to look
around, we see our own frenetic pace of life mirrored by all our friends, so we
conclude that it must be normal.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">There is a better way. When a
child is kept too busy, given too much stuff and information, it robs them of
the time and ease they need to explore their world and emerging selves. </span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">When a child has a heap of toys or
books, they are too distracted to delve into any one of them deeply. Their play
and learning is shallow. They lack the space </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;"> and boredom </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;">
needed for reflection and creativity. At the same time, none of the toys seem
to satisfy and the child is always looking for that elusive one that they don</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">t have.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Simplicity parenting encourages
parents to keep fewer toys so that their child will engage with them more
deeply. Children need time and physical space to play and be imaginative.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Simplicity parenting also emphasizes
the use of unscheduled down time to allow a child to recover and grow. Adequate
down time, much like sleep, serves a vital purpose in child development. It
gives children the ease they need to work through their emotions and develop a
growing sense of self.</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><strong>The best preparation for a
changing world</strong></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Some might mistakenly think that
Payne is hoping to rewind the clock to simpler times, slowing down the pace of
daily life to a halt. In reality, he</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
not suggesting a slowing down at all, but a filtering of unnecessary busyness.
In our interview, he said simplicity parenting is actually the best way to
prepare children for a future where they will have to be creative, innovative
and adaptable to succeed. Since they will likely need to be able to move through
jobs, they will need to be self-motivating.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQUn0630lrq3_XrA_H_PeG9PULYqFAjNi-I0HNjJ469QDIy_9Fa5rkEUIURnzX6mTf4POTP1buXCDgJImwbeJeYNOs6DGwNAR48-ICK0KPq2olXfDrJ8XcmaJIvQ_GWp74uVzDDIskZE/s1600/child-cooking-z.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQQUn0630lrq3_XrA_H_PeG9PULYqFAjNi-I0HNjJ469QDIy_9Fa5rkEUIURnzX6mTf4POTP1buXCDgJImwbeJeYNOs6DGwNAR48-ICK0KPq2olXfDrJ8XcmaJIvQ_GWp74uVzDDIskZE/s1600/child-cooking-z.jpg" height="332" width="400" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">When parents have a ton of scheduled activities thinking that</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s going to give their child a
head start, I</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">m
suggesting that what gives their child a head start and prepares them for the
future is giving them the down time they need so that they can actually be
self-motivating and not reliant on scheduling or activity.</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">They actually can give them the gift of boredom, and let them be bored,
let them self-motivate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Simplicity
parenting is a future-looking thing, quite the opposite of very fast-paced,
busy parents who are unwittingly raising their children for a world that no
longer exists.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">His point is underscored by a
recent study on child sports. It found that the time children spent playing in
organized sports was significantly tied to lower creativity as young adults,
whereas time spent playing informal sports was significantly related to more
creativity.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><o:p> </o:p><span style="color: black;">It is not the organized sports themselves that
destroy creativity; it is the lack of down time. Even two hours per week of
unstructured play boosted children</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">’</span><span style="color: black;">s
creativity to above-average levels.15</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">Study co-author Matthew Bowers
gives a possible explanation. </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">Informal
sports played in unstructured, unsupervised environments capture many of the
elements that are linked with the developmental benefits of play for children.
These environments offer children the freedom to self-govern, create rules,
problem-solve and resolve social conflicts on their own terms.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">The big takeaway is the importance
of balance </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;"> a
core part of simplicity parenting. Children greatly benefit when parents
balance scheduled time with down time and filter out the deluge of </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">“</span><span style="color: black;">too much.</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">”</span></span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">Balance is absolutely necessary if
we are to protect childhood so that its rich developmental processes can fully
unfold.</span></span></div>
<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">In the second half of this
two-part series, we will look at the four areas where Payne advocates for
simplification </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri;">–</span><span style="color: black;">
and how parents can go about this worthwhile process.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: tahoma,verdana,segoe,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Endnotes:</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: tahoma,verdana,segoe,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-hansi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This article is by Eliose Cataudella of the Institute of Marriage and Family, Canada, based on an interview of Dr. Kim John Payne by Andrea Mrozek on March 14th, 2013. Dr. Payne is a family counselor and author of the 2009 bestseller Simplicity Parenting: Using the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids.</span></span></span></div>
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</span>iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-3749541947894048442015-02-18T07:09:00.003-08:002015-06-17T08:07:33.640-07:00On the question whether any additional child is an asset or a liability<div style="text-align: left;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOu-RJR__ak_CP3R-2-mwRYrbOy2p1AxRYrXBgXqpM9iD0XIXpanoTJwy8aM8aTpseUlfO4HgSqrl3OLstfRUNA8B9RJ-nU-wJNxbXLQpptaFds5azvJneZOoWEYl7gNKwTRDhF9p9bM/s1600/Additional+Child2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a></span><span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOu-RJR__ak_CP3R-2-mwRYrbOy2p1AxRYrXBgXqpM9iD0XIXpanoTJwy8aM8aTpseUlfO4HgSqrl3OLstfRUNA8B9RJ-nU-wJNxbXLQpptaFds5azvJneZOoWEYl7gNKwTRDhF9p9bM/s1600/Additional+Child2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnOu-RJR__ak_CP3R-2-mwRYrbOy2p1AxRYrXBgXqpM9iD0XIXpanoTJwy8aM8aTpseUlfO4HgSqrl3OLstfRUNA8B9RJ-nU-wJNxbXLQpptaFds5azvJneZOoWEYl7gNKwTRDhF9p9bM/s1600/Additional+Child2.jpg" width="400" /></a></span>A child is always an asset. Liability with regards to humans is not assessed purely and only from economic view point since a human person has a great dignity because of being a child of God and also has body and soul (material and spiritual being).<br /><br />A human person therefore cannot be seen and assessed in same way as other non human economic items or businesses. Nor be seen as an economic liability. This is because a human person has so many aspects and gifts & potentials endowed that he can’t but be always a great asset!! Every child or human person is a great investment waiting to mature.<br /><br /><br />Even if presently he is starving, poor sickly and uneducated with a “useless” job or future. Even in dying and in immediate death, or long after death, the immense good a human is capable of doing to others and the society is beyond quantifying financially.<br /><br />Even evil men and their evil, help the society in numerous ways including reaffirming society’s resolve to improve laws and condition that reduce such evil and suffering. In summary, every child or human person is always and will always be an asset intrinsically and based primarily on his being a child of God, and not on his usefulness from a human point of view.<br /> <br />By Dr. Mark Nwoga, University Of Nigeria Nsukka<br />iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-54809433864495411532015-02-13T05:56:00.000-08:002016-05-11T11:04:57.676-07:00How to create value in less time<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-lTZ-1f-rG9llcDNIySr6JEJctC3j6r3AkekhyphenhyphenvA1nKAhLxdTLHtn6sKbblsk9d2AwGihG_yikxXDnNmSmwiRrqLF6S0wmTNSzokGWzDt2_gmEPk5i7gbsig5hPFh9uTSpPr6xtY8FY/s1600/DSC_0013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="SOCTECH 2013" border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx-lTZ-1f-rG9llcDNIySr6JEJctC3j6r3AkekhyphenhyphenvA1nKAhLxdTLHtn6sKbblsk9d2AwGihG_yikxXDnNmSmwiRrqLF6S0wmTNSzokGWzDt2_gmEPk5i7gbsig5hPFh9uTSpPr6xtY8FY/s1600/DSC_0013.jpg" title="Create value in less time" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "verdana" , "segoe" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: dimgrey;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">What three things would you like to have done today or this month? Are you working at the right time for the right projects? Are you working too long or too short of a time for certain tasks? These are some questions that help to keep you going. It <span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">is desirable, being able to accomplish personal and organisational objectives at all times. To this end, certain </span>actions must be carried out to achieve success. This is also true for <span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">every form of activity whether corporate, social, family or religious. To help man achieve and accomplish tasks, a lot of suggestions and comments have been given, downloadable </span>algorithms that help with time management have been written, videos that teach how to organize emails are available, articles and textbooks also written on interrelated subjects<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">. It may seem as it were, there is no secret to living a more productive lifestyle as it is practically a discussion for everyday.</span><br /><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Yet there is high concern</span></span> </strong></span><br /> It is evident however, that in business and personal environments (like the family) the concern is still high on how to achieve good results. Colleagues continue to wish for a higher or complain about their output levels while parents are still stressed out trying to fulfil their role towards their families – given all the on hand information on productivity. Perhaps more than equating productivity to a given formula it should be considered mainly as an issue of personal behavior, an attitude to continuously improve oneself and the things in one’s environment.<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"></span></strong></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "verdana" , "segoe" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: dimgrey;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong></strong></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "tahoma" , "verdana" , "segoe" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: dimgrey;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">A basis for good results</span></span></strong><br /><span style="font-size: 14px;">A proper assessment of some models designed to encourage output levels reveals that the key to increasing<span style="font-size: 15px;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: 15px;"><span style="line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">productivity lies in doing well what is important at that moment and to do well requires monthly, weekly and daily review of yearly goals. The advice is that the simplest of tools be applied in capturing information and procrastination should be avoided in decision making.<br /> Leo Babuata suggests that getting things done should have its focus on doing in the here and now, instead of on planning and on the type of system. While planning is necessary, more focus should be on how to actually complete a task. Using simple tools to capture information, making quick decisions, setting 'most important tasks' for the week and/or day, doing one task at a time without distractions, having a place for everything, reviewing your system and goals weekly are some ways to get the productivity you desire.</span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-61888535289960176302015-01-14T03:43:00.000-08:002015-02-11T07:00:59.847-08:00Married Couple Retreat March 20th - 22nd, 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8caEb0ZtmGhZeIWmFED5TcLP71OhXWDNBz0ysAzEiruNzW9-XXFDXQYJORTz36TRXgLNplFB6DXP7QY4VYWN3kB1nqmgSL0uVZG7jYdnqZ4zQ2q81vMVhvv4SSJV7nAmZhFHZh1kE1bI/s1600/mcrpromolatest.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8caEb0ZtmGhZeIWmFED5TcLP71OhXWDNBz0ysAzEiruNzW9-XXFDXQYJORTz36TRXgLNplFB6DXP7QY4VYWN3kB1nqmgSL0uVZG7jYdnqZ4zQ2q81vMVhvv4SSJV7nAmZhFHZh1kE1bI/s1600/mcrpromolatest.png" height="640" width="404" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">A weekend of true love. Learn life's journey & shape your love path with your spouse in the serene setting of this retreat. Just the two of you; far from the bustles of everyday life.</span></h3>
iwfionline.orghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807296337270265173noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-134653609214426718.post-5055735199533156552014-12-11T02:05:00.001-08:002016-05-11T10:38:14.164-07:00NOVEMBER 2014 EDITION OF IWFI MARRIED COUPLES RETREAT , A SUCCESS<div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">The Married Couples Retreat keep getting better. More important to us in IWFI are the testimonies. For some, a true dialogue has happened while for others, a real vacation close to nature, away from the hustle and bustle of city life.Remarkably all our participants go home rejuvenated and renewed in love and commitment.</span></h4>
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See more photos here: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Iwfionline/photos_stream" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/Iwfionline/photos_stream</a></h4>
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